Christopher Nolan’s Odyssey might be the worst adaptation of a classic I’ve ever seen. It’s one thing to take some creative liberties, it’s quite another to take a story about a boring day in the life of some Irish guy and turn it into a decades-long travelogue of the Mediterranean– hold on, it’s my editors.

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I’ll start over. Spoilers ahead.

It was damn good.

Honestly, I don’t know enough about the source material to comment on how true Nolan’s version rang. It’s not demythologized like The Return, but the only deity who appears on screen is Athena, despite other deities’ involvement and impact. The story and plot were coherent, but I still felt like a few extra scenes here and there would’ve helped. Zeus and/or Poseidon doing the new pissed-off Messi meme would have been good (“Oh, so you’re not going to follow my laws? I see.” “Oh, so you’re going to stab my guy in the eyeball? Okay.”). I’m on vacation, so I won’t complain if you go ahead and pump that runtime up to 200, 210 minutes. Throw in a short intermission if necessary.

And as long as I’m giving notes, cut out the modern-day swearing. Time to time, we demand grandeur, not vulgarity.

The casting was fine. The headliners were solid, the supporters were strong. Robert Pattinson was excellent as Lecherous Weasel. Himesh Patel was excellent as Loyal Friend Who’s Just About Had Enough Of Matt Damon’s Crap. Tom Holland was well-typecast as Naïf with Legendary Father Figure. John Leguizamo and Samantha Morton might be looking at Oscar nominations for their roles as Wise Old Loyalist and Hermit With Creepy Powers, respectively. Zendaya’s Athena didn’t show up much, due to largely operating behind/above the scenes. That casting might’ve seemed a bit odd for the Goddess of Warfare, but a] I like the new version of Dune, and b] that casting falls perfectly into place at the end of the movie. You’ll know when.

Elliot Page as Sinon was not as bad as I expected. It probably helped that the original rumors, of Page-as-Achilles, turned out to be fake, which helped manage expectations. This version of Sinon reminded me of “Anybodys” from the original West Side Story, if Riff had tricked Anybodys and sacrified her to set a trap for the Sharks. I don’t know if Odysseus lied to Sinon in Homer’s work, or in other versions from antiquity, but that lie doomed Nolan’s repeatedly-betrayed Sinon to Hades. No further comment.

In too many Nolan movies, the score and the diegetic sound drown out some really important dialogue. Happily, that was not a problem at all in this movie. I heard everything, which I promise is growing increasingly difficult, so thumbs up to Nolan for remembering that we see his movies for entertainment, not literal realism. In fact, I didn’t really notice the score on my first viewing, which is generally a good sign because that means it wasn’t a distraction and it wasn’t out of place. That said, I absolutely loved the track “Odysseus,” played during the sack of Troy, and have it on repeat right now.

Speaking of the sack of Troy, and the final shots of the movie… Nolan’s nonlinear storytelling is one of his trademarks, and I spent the first hour or so wondering if he’d chosen the right scenes to start the movie with, and if he’d presented them in the right order for maximum impact. Lo and behold, he knows what he’s doing, and the final shots drove it home. I guess that’s why he has millions and Oscars and millions.

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The Algorithm recently recommended that I watch The Return. I watched it. It sucked. And now, in comparison to Nolan’s Odyssey, it sucks even more. Nolan’s version was good enough that it’ll become definitive in many minds, and– more importantly– I’ll see it again in the theater, and I’ll probably buy it when it gets released. Well-deserved Best Picture nomination incoming.