Now that a good chunk of the electorate has already voted and there’s only a day left before it’s all (hopefully and mercifully) over, it’s time to announce my endorsement.
I was going be clever and nominate my dad for President and myself for Veep. We’d delay the inaugural celebration until the Ides of March, hold the party on the steps of the Senate and invite everyone to bring his own silverware. Alas, they just don’t teach the classics like they used to, and I’m too young to succeed him as President anyways.
Therefore I have decided to endorse, for the office of President of the United States…
The 1943 steel penny.
It’s more than 35 years old. It’s been in the country the requisite 14 years. This one was minted in San Francisco, which makes it a natural born citizen.
I don’t mean we should flip a coin to determine the President. And I don’t mean that there’s no real difference between Obama and McCain, or that there’s “less than a dime’s worth of difference between the two.” Not at all; in my book, one of the two candidates is certainly better than the other.
No, I mean that this coin itself should be President. It’s more consistent than John McCain and it’s got more executive experience than Barack Obama. It was actually minted in the US, making its loyalty unquestionable, unlike the two Manchurian candidates we have running now. It’s a war hero, in a sense–there were copper shortages due to wartime production, so they had to make do with steel.
I figure that with a 50-50 chance of making the decision I’d make if I were President, the coin is far less likely to disappoint me than either Obama or McCain.
My AP Government class issued its final prediction before the election: Obama 299 electoral votes, McCain 239 electoral votes. The changes from 2004 (Bush 286, Kerry 251, Edwards 1): Obama picks up Ohio, Indiana, Colorado, Iowa, Nevada, and New Mexico, and the loose Edwards voter gets his act together this time. McCain picks up Minnesota. I have no idea why the kids think McCain is going to win Minnesota, but that’s what they predicted.
November 4th: Obama wins a little more than 300 electoral votes.
November 7th: Hillary Clinton discovers Barack Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate, which was accidentally misplaced underneath a massive pile of FBI files in her Chappaqua mansion. She totally innocently reveals it to the public, and Barack Obama is disqualified from the Presidency.
November 11th: Hillary Clinton reminds America that she was born in America, and gee whiz, if only the Democratic electors had a decent Presidential candidate now that Obama was out.
December 15th: The electors meet in their respective state capitals. Democratic electors cast their ballots for Hillary Clinton.
January 20th, 2009: Hillary cackles her way through the Oath of Office.
Really, Mr. V.??? The steel penny???
Mr. V, as an APUSH teacher, you should be ashamed of yourself. Your, uh I mean Hillary’s evil ploy is easily foiled . . .
Though I would assume that Hillary and her minions would argue that there is not a President-elect until the Electoral College meets.
If that Kenyan birth certificate shows up, then we will be welcoming President Biden. The next time you talk to the Mole, ask his opinion of Joe the Senator.
Hillary and her minions would be correct. Remember, the electors can vote for whomever they want, as long as that person is eligible. The President-elect isn’t really the President-elect until the electors make him/her so. Which happens on December 15th.
If the Kenyan birth certificate (which would be a great name for a band, incidentally) shows up AFTER the electors meet, THEN Biden becomes President-elect. Hence my timeline.
Look, do I challenge you on imagineering or warp field fluctuations or whatever it is you do?
Imagine if the electors actually voted in such a way that the losing party is elected. Would the U.S. fall into complete chaos? Who would really gain the presidency? Could the U.S. continue in its ways or would the voting system have to be completely revamped? And in the midst of this mayhem, there’s always the chance of a hostile takeover by the Steel Penny, seizing the moment of confusion. All hail the Steel Penny!
I see you are still trying to be discreet in your party affiliation Mr. V. How about you just give that up and tell all your students who you voted for. I know you think it is a fun little game but it is not. Stop torturing your students mind’s.
i do believe the steel penny would be a great president… or maybe a wheat penny?
The steel pennies were wheat pennies. Lincoln pennies had the wheat ears on the back up until 1959.