Response to “You’re awesome old student.”

A former student who seems not to have mastered the concept of homophones recently e-mailed me for advice. I tried to reply, but kept getting nasty messages from some guy named “Mail Delivery Subsystem” explaining that my e-mail didn’t go through. So I am posting his letter and my reply in a last ditch attempt at contact. First, his e-mail:

Hey Mr. V,

It’s [name deleted]. Yeah, bet you’re thinking “what does he want” and all that stuff. Thing is, I have to tutor someone at APUSH, who happens to be in your class, and have never done this sort of thing before. Any recommendations? It would be much appreciated. Also, glad you liked the new Bond movie.

[Signed]
You’re awesome old student you hate

My response:

I would recommend charging a very high fee. I would also recommend working with an APUSH test prep book such as Barron’s, Princeton Review, or Cliff’s Notes. My favorite is the “Amsco Flag Book”:

http://www.amazon.com/United-States-History-Placement-Examination/dp/1567656609

When he’s reading a chapter from The American Pageant, advise him to read the first two or three introductory paragraphs and the last two or three paragraphs beforereading the rest of the chapter. If he knows “where he’s coming from” and “where he’s going,” he might be better able to understand the chapter in terms of cause and effect.

Also, there’s a timeline at the end of every Pageant chapter. He should copy that timeline onto a sheet or two of paper, skipping a few lines between each event. Then he can go back and add dates, information, notes, whatever he wants, and have his own annotated timeline.

Final Recommendation: if he or she is one of my students, tell him or her to come by before school every once in a while and ask me questions. That’s part of what I get paid for. I hope it helps.

–Mr. V.

Please note that this advice is only for this former student and whomever he is tutoring. Absolutely no one else should heed it.

2 Responses to “Response to “You’re awesome old student.””

  1. ticklemeelmo Says:
    December 4th, 2006 at 10:23 PM

My spidy-sence is tingling! Is Mr. V actually offering HELPFUL suggestions? Well I must say I am in awe. Looks like Mr. Scrooge is in the Holiday spirit.

  1. twink Says:
    December 5th, 2006 at 4:57 PM

I would skip the tutoring and brush up on my homophones.