“Nothing happened to me… I happened.”

“…I think you can provide some insight and advance this study.”
“And what possible reason could I have to do that?”
“Curiosity.”
“About what?”
“About why you’re here. About what happened to you.”
“Nothing happened to me, Officer Starling. I happened. You can’t reduce me to a set of influences. You’ve given up good and evil for behaviorism, Officer Starling. You’ve got everyone in moral dignity pants—nothing is ever anybody’s fault. Look at me, Officer Starling. Can you stand to say I’m evil? Am I evil, Officer Starling?”
The Silence of the Lambs

For whatever reason, this bit of wisdom from Dr. Lecter didn’t find its way from printed page to theatrical release. As far as I know, it didn’t even make the deleted scenes or the shooting script. If these lines were cut in order to improve the scene’s pace, I understand—but I suspect it was rather for reasons the doctor would have mocked as surely as he’d mocked those offered by Clarice.

Cho Seung-Hui may have been depressed. He may have been bipolar. He may have written crappy plays. He may have been drug-addled. A drunkard. Heartbroken. Troubled. Obsessed. Detached. Psychotic. Insane. Hypersane. Overmedicated. Undermedicated. Whatever. A co-worker this morning asked if they’d figured out why he did what he did—my response was that they had: “Turned out he was an evil a—hole.”

I will grant that my response was a bit flippant, as is most of what I say, write, think, do, ask, insinuate, suggest, and imply. Certainly, it is important to investigate the massacre at Virginia Tech through careful scientific methodology, for doing so could help limit or prevent such events in the future. But in searching for the reasons that a person might do what Cho did, we must take care not to view that person as a mere function of his environment or his physiology, his actions disconnected from his will. We run the risk of allowing “reasons” and “explanations” to turn into “excuses.” The more we allow people to explain their lives in terms of “what happens to them” rather than “what they did,” the more we can expect to see behavior ranging from the merely unhealthy to the truly malacious.

Cho himself claimed, in one of the few excerpts of his writings that have been released, that he was made to commit murder–“You caused me to do this,” et presumably cetera. But his hand was not forced. “What happened to Cho” was not sad, nor disturbing, nor horrifying. What Cho did—consciously, with premeditation, with enough lucidity to kill himself rather than suffer for his crime—was sad, and disturbing, and horrifying, and evil. Whatever bad place people might say he was in before, he’s in a far worse place now.

6 Responses to ““Nothing happened to me… I happened.””

  1. gatorbob Says:
    April 22nd, 2007 at 4:22 PMI wish I had the solace of religious conceptions such as heaven and hell this week. Instead, I have to rely on two more temporal thoughts:

    1) The unhinged have been with us since the dawn of time – Glock 9 millimeter semi-automatic weapons just give them the opportunity to do more damage.

    2) If two students from your school were killed one morning, don’t you think the administration would at least cancel classes?

    Sheesh!

  2. VDV Says:
    April 22nd, 2007 at 10:37 PMTo clarify– you rely on those thoughts for solace? Just kidding.

    (Calling all college buddies to correct my memory if necessary): When I was at Clemson, a girl was beaten to death near Lake Hartwell–the cops were pretty certain it was the boyfriend, though no arrest was ever made. Classes weren’t cancelled–but the killer’s M.O. did not suggest someone presenting an immediate, imminent danger to the student body.

    That said, it seems that VT should have gone into immediate lockdown, whereas cancelling classes would have put people out in the open as they walk home. I think VT was caught without a plan. Hopefully, schools, universities, etc., will take this as a signal to develop better emergency response plans, look harder at their regulations for committing students with mental problems, and hire more police/security.

  3. gatorbob Says:
    April 23rd, 2007 at 3:59 PMNo, what I meant was that there is little solace in this life. It would be nice to have some kind of overarching metaphysical philosophy that makes sense of the randomness of reality, but none have any appeal to me.

    That said, the reason that I had suggested that VT should’ve cancelled classes is that the first shootings happened just after 7 a.m., at least an hour before classes start here at UF. By not cancelling classes, the VT administrators allowed students to unwittingly walk to class and then then sit in classrooms for several hours while a maniac was on the loose. I agree with you – they were caught without a clear plan of action.

  4. VDV Says:
    April 23rd, 2007 at 9:15 PMI forgot that the first shootings happened that early; I had it backwards, thinking that kids were already in class and would have been returning to their dorms upon cancellation of classes…

    Do we know whether Cho left a gun in the dorm near the first two victims? If so, I can see the authorities (mistakenly) thinking it was a murder-suicide and assuming it was over. If not, then someone needs to be fired.

  5. Que si Says:
    April 25th, 2007 at 8:02 PMWell, I think my school could use a better plan in the case of a shooting. Take for example April 23, 2007: during lunch, someone robbed the sandwhich shop across the street from my shcool with a loaded gun. The administration immeadiatly called all the teachers and told them to lock their doors; however, they neglected to tell anyone at lunch about this incident. Let me remind you that we eat lunch OUTSIDE in full view of the store being robbed. The helicopter circling overhead was the first clue that something was amiss. It wasn’t until the next day that I found out what had happened from a teacher. We were given a strict warning not to go across the street anymore. They have made this plea to students before, but this time they were SERIOUS so that should be all it takes to keep students away from the alure of french fries in the morning. God bless the public school system.
  6. VDV Says:
    April 27th, 2007 at 4:42 PMQue Si–

    I took my time posting your comment because I wanted to make sure that what I am about to type is factually correct (forgive the redundancy):

    1. There was no armed robbery. The Sandwich Shop was not robbed–the convenience store was, and certainly not at gunpoint. The convenience store clerk trapped the robber, who, again, was unarmed. This is according to the owners of both of the stores.

    2. The administration did not order a “Code Red” that day. I will triple-check for accuracy’s sake, but having been on-campus that day, I would remember an administrative “Code Red,” which is different from a teacher going around in a panic, mistakenly telling other teachers that there is a “Code Red.”

    I will say that you’re right to be concerned about student safety, but the story needs to be derumorficated.

Poor, poor Klara.

SPOILER ALERT: The following paragraph gives away important plot points from an early-1990s television program—not that that many people would be in a rush to figure out which show, track down copies of said show, watch it, and then have it ruined by having read this. Nonetheless, I feel compelled to give any such people fair warning.

This afternoon I watched an episode of an old TV show. At the beginning of this particular episode, the hero attended the funeral of a man recently discovered to have been a serial killer, adulterer, and rapist. The hero attempted to console this man’s wife by relating the details of the killer’s last moments on Earth, in which he expressed great remorse and begged forgiveness for his horrible crimes. The wife seemed to deal with the whole affair a lot better than you’d expect, especially considering that her husband had killed her niece, her daughter, and at least one other person just in the last two weeks.

The wife’s composure, though scripted, was impressive. She took the bizarre revelations in stride, without the valium that had kept her calm and without the antidepressants that had kept her sane throughout the run of the show.

Anyhow, this got me thinking: what does it take to make wives think ill of their husbands? I realize that this is just a TV show, and that in real life, it takes a lot less than murder–in fact, it doesn’t take much more than the husband’s incessant failure to be absolutely perfect at all times.

Let’s look at a somewhat tougher question: knowing that parents will go to great lengths to defend their children, and knowing that parents will often summon enough cognitive dissonance to do so, what exactly does it take to make mothers think ill of their children? Surely, there’s got to be something so awful, some pattern of behavior that’s so inexcusable, that even the most loving and forgiving parent would have to question her offspring’s angelic nature.

Klara Pölzl died in 1907, with her teenaged son by her side. What if she’d lived long enough to see her son’s death—she would have been 84 when Adolf committed suicide—what would Hitler’s mom have thought of him?

I’d written a few more paragraphs on the subject, but it’s probably better just to let the mind wander. This is what I think about when I watch television. Maybe I should stop.

One Response to “Poor, poor Klara.”

  1. Que si Says:
    April 16th, 2007 at 5:08 PMI see you haven’t received many comments lately and I know how dependent your ego is on comments so I decided to leave you one. And regarding what Hitler’s mother would have thought of him, I believe she would have been elated. If you ever spawn, Mr. V, wouldn’t you be happy to see your opwn flesh and blood nearly take over Europe with his sights set on the world? Yes, he did some awful things, but mothers tend to ignore the bad aspects of their offspring whether it be a tendency to lie or the urge to wipe a race of people from the face of the earth.

It is good to be remembered.

As I drove home along I-95 a few weeks ago, a small white car was getting a little too close to the ‘Rolla for my taste. I glanced over and saw that there were three or four young punks in said car, having a good ol’ time, waving their arms around while driving like maniacs and paying far too little attention to making it home in one piece. It served as a perfect reminder that nobody 29 or younger should be allowed to drive, and that I need to save up for those revolving blades that pop out of the axles.

Happily, my exit was coming up, which meant that I’d be safe while said maniacs would most likely continue to zip on down the highway with a near-suicidal disregard for their own safety. I exited.

Unluckily–or so I thought–the white car followed me down the exit. The white car was behind me in the left lane as I pulled up to the stoplight, but it swung around and pulled up alongside me in the bicycle lane. The maniacs were gesticulating wildly, and finally, I thought, “Fine, you little brats. I’ll look.”

Lo and behold, the wildly gesticulating punk brat maniacs were my wildly gesticulating punk brat maniacs—students from my first year of teaching! The driver grinned and waved. I think I waved back, but frankly I was too pleasantly surprised to remember whether I actually did. To think that after such a long time, people would recklessly chase me down the interstate and violate numerous traffic laws, just to wave hello. It was touching.

The light turned red, and they went back the way they came. It was good to see them; it was the highlight of that particular day. If you guys are reading this, and if I did indeed forget to wave, then I hereby belatedly salute you.

That particular week was a good one for seeing old students. To wit:

It was Spring Break (should that be capitalized, like a holiday?) for several universities, and so some other former students dropped in to visit the school. Among them was one who had considered staging a protest at last year’s graduation. Thankfully, he correctly interpreted my warning that doing so would make me “extraordinarily angry,” especially after driving from Chicago to watch the ceremony. I think he’s happier now that he didn’t do anything obnoxious.

Another student who dropped in had been one of my best students as a freshman, but needed a little prodding as a junior, because (I think) good grades had come a little too easily to her in the past. Whatever the reason was back then, right now she’s doing well at an excellent university. I reminded her to send me money when she gets rich.

At the end of that week, a bunch of us teachers went to a restaurant in Riverside for lunch. As we walked up to the restaurant, I saw the waitress through the plate-glass façade, and recognized her as yet another former student. She recognized me, came outside and gave me a hug while doing her “Mishter Vishcariello” impression. That, and the pretty decent steak sandwich with pasta salad for lunch, made for another good day.

But as far as encountering old students goes, the real cake-taker came last Friday. One of my current students mentioned that he’d met one of my former students. I asked who, and Current Student told me, nearly causing me to burst out laughing. This particular Former Student and I did not part on the best of terms–the last time I saw him was when I escorted him to the dean’s office to be expelled. When I returned to my classroom that day, the students were applauding.

Former Student gave Current Student some pretty horrible advice regarding college and career paths. He also, upon learning that Current Student was a Paxon student, had some less than kind and less than true words to say about Your Humble Narrator’s college degree, sexual orientation, and classroom management—this without Current Student even mentioning my name! That’s when you know you’ve made an impression.

Anyhow, I’m told that Former Student retracted his comments, which was wise. Hopefully he’s doing well, and has grown up a little, and will continue to do so.

It is good to be remembered, and remembered somewhat kindly.

ATTN Family and Friends.

Dear Friend or Family Member,

My cell phone died last night and has gone to a better place. Due to the insidious nature of technological innovation, I was tricked into storing phone numbers on the phone rather than the SIM card (or paper), which means that they, too, have gone to cellular heaven. Please call or e-mail me your phone number at your earliest convenience, unless your definition of “convenience” means never hearing from me again. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Vincent D. Viscariello

Update: Crisis resolved. Thank you for your assistance.

Question re: iPod.

I’m listening to music from Collateral, but the screen is showing a picture of the Transamerica soundtrack. Is the software screwed up, is iTunes screwed up, or did I really miss the point of Collateral?

One Response to “Question re iPod.”

  1. aabrock Says:
    March 26th, 2007 at 6:28 AM

This is on the Ipod? Check and make sure the correct picture shows up in Itunes…this same thing happened to me at one point. I disabled the setting to show album artwork on the Ipod (and let it delete all the art on the Ipod), and then re-enabled it. Solved the problem for me.