Dear Friend or Family Member,

My cell phone died last night and has gone to a better place. Due to the insidious nature of technological innovation, I was tricked into storing phone numbers on the phone rather than the SIM card (or paper), which means that they, too, have gone to cellular heaven. Please call or e-mail me your phone number at your earliest convenience, unless your definition of “convenience” means never hearing from me again. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Vincent D. Viscariello

…

Update: Crisis resolved. Thank you for your assistance.