The creative juices are running low. Here’re some questions culled from the internets:

1. WHO WAS YOUR FIRST PROM DATE? I did not attend either of my proms. I attended soccer tournaments, one of which we won.

2. DO YOU STILL TALK TO YOUR FIRST LOVE? No.

3. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Today? Nothing yet.

4. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST JOB? I was a clerk at the Soccer Stop the summer before my senior year of high school. The location I worked at shut down years ago, but the best part was the nearby KFC that offered the best combo ever: six chicken nuggets, a side of cheap, airy, crispy fries (this was before they switched to steak fries), and a Pepsi for three dollars and nineteen cents.

5. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? A silver 1988 Oldsmobile Delta 88. It belonged to my father before me, and his father before him.

6. WHO WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO TEXT YOU TODAY? A coworker.

7. WHO IS THE FIRST PERSON YOU THOUGHT OF THIS MORNING? I elect not to remember.

8. WHO WAS YOUR FIRST GRADE TEACHER? Miss Tammany. She kicked me out of the reading group for reading ahead and spoiling the ending for the rest of the group. Some people.

9. WHERE DID YOU GO ON YOUR FIRST RIDE ON AN AIRPLANE? I think it was to Chicago back around 1980, but the first flight I can remember was to Phoenix via Houston and Albuquerque.

10. WHO WAS YOUR FIRST BEST FRIEND & DO YOU STILL TALK? A kid named Gavin. No.

11. WHERE WAS YOUR FIRST SLEEPOVER? The hospital, a few hours after birth. I say it counts.

12. WHO WAS THE FIRST PERSON YOU TALKED TO TODAY? The kid behind the counter at Panera. She gave me a cinnamon bagel and some plain cream cheese. Good kid.

13. WHOSE WEDDING WERE YOU IN THE FIRST TIME? Aabrock’s and Nikita’s.

14. WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING YOU DID THIS MORNING? Shower.

15. WHAT WAS THE FIRST CONCERT YOU EVER WENT TO? Not counting high school bands, it was some unmemorable local band in Clemson.

16. FIRST TATTOO? None, unless you want to count the end of an axle carving into my back. That mark stuck around a couple of years.

17. FIRST PIERCING? None, unless you want to count when I was stabbed in the leg by some careless idiot in art class.

18. FIRST FOREIGN COUNTRY YOU WENT TO? None.

19. FIRST MOVIE YOU REMEMBER SEEING? In the theater: The Empire Strikes Back.

20. WHEN WAS YOUR FIRST DETENTION? Never. I can’t be detained.

21. WHO WAS YOUR FIRST ROOMMATE? Aside from family, it was a band geek named Steve. Considering the psychopaths and slobs I’d room with later, he was probably my best roommate.

22. IF YOU HAD ONE WISH, WHAT WOULD IT BE? To be able to fall asleep at will.

23. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WOULD LEARN IF YOU HAD THE CHANCE? I suppose I do have the chance… computer programming, a foreign language or two, mind control.

24. DID YOU MARRY THE FIRST PERSON TO ASK FOR YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE? Nope.

25. WHAT WAS THE FIRST SPORT YOU WERE INVOLVED IN? Soccer.

26. WHAT WERE THE FIRST LESSONS YOU EVER TOOK? I’m not sure I took any lessons other than at school. I vaguely remember going someplace for gifted class when I was in kindergarten, and I vaguely remember having to see a speech therapist in elementary school.

27. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU DO WHEN YOU GET HOME? Take off my shoes.

28. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU PUT IN YOUR MOUTH? Cuppa tea.

29. WHERE WAS YOUR PROFILE PICTURE TAKEN? At Patton’s wedding in Phoenix. That was three years ago, I may have to update it.

30. CAN YOU PLAY GUITAR HERO? No, I have too much to do this afternoon.

31. NAME SOMEONE WHO MADE YOU LAUGH TODAY? Nobody, yet.

32. HOW LATE DID YOU STAY UP LAST NIGHT AND WHY? Intentionally: midnight, no reason. Unintentionally: around 1:30, insomnia.

33. IF YOU COULD MOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE, WOULD YOU? I suppose I would, given the right circumstances.

34. EVER BEEN KISSED UNDER FIREWORKS? Yes.

35. WHICH OF YOUR FRIENDS LIVES CLOSEST TO YOU? I don’t know, and I don’t want to know. I respect their privacy; that’s why we’re still friends.

36. DO YOU BELIEVE EXES CAN BE FRIENDS? In theory, yes, but I am not interested in testing the theory.

37. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT DR PEPPER? He’s a good man who’s done some good work.

38. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED REALLY HARD? When Wendy’s signed a 10-year contract with Coca-Cola. I was a big Pepsi fan at the time, so I didn’t take it well.

39. WHO TOOK YOUR PROFILE PICTURE? The photographer at the Pattons’ wedding.

40. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TOOK A PICTURE OF? Hold on, let me check the camera… it was me! More specifically, it was a picture of the screw cap where my tooth should be. My sister wanted to see what it looked like.

41. WAS YESTERDAY BETTER THAN TODAY? No; no Champions’ League today.

42. CAN YOU LIVE A DAY WITHOUT TELEVISION? Yes.

43. ARE YOU UPSET ABOUT ANYTHING? Not yet. Why?

44. DO YOU THINK RELATIONSHIPS ARE EVER REALLY WORTH IT? Yes.

45. ARE YOU A BAD INFLUENCE? If you mean in the sense of being poor at influencing people, then no. If you mean in the sense of having a negative influence on people, then… no.

46. NIGHT OUT OR NIGHT IN? Out or in of what? Why not both?

47. WHAT ITEMS COULD YOU NOT GO WITHOUT DURING THE DAY? Oxygen, probably. Water, possibly.

48. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU VISITED IN THE HOSPITAL. Aunt Mary.

49. WHAT DOES THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE IN YOUR INBOX SAY? “OK”

50. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW? Not too shabby.

51. DO YOU HATE ANYONE? I reckon I do, but the objects of my ire keep their distance, so all is well.