As I close in on my deadline for replacing the ‘Rolla, I’m giving careful thought to not selling or trading it in at all. Instead, I may spend a lot getting it fixed up in a boring, strictly functional style that better suits me. Leave the hubcaps off, paint the exterior a matte black, dullify every shiny surface, and reupholster the interior in black with hints of dark gray. Put on some locking lugnuts. Replace the weatherstripping on the doors. Fix or replace the engine, transmission, and suspension. Install some decent GPS guidance in the dashboard, an auxiliary jack for an MP3 player (or maybe a phone-specific mount), and replace the speakers. Install a rear-view camera system and attach larger side mirrors. Install a dashboard cam. Install The Button. Make a few other tweaks here and there as I think of them.
If, after careful research and comparison shopping, it turns out that this would be less expensive than buying a new car, then I might just do it. I’d spend the difference on limos or fancy rentals for award ceremonies, charity events, dates, paid appearances, and dinners at fancy places like Alinea or Portillo’s.
Watching/listening to Khan in the background as I compose this. Sure, there are some scientific inaccuracies (destruction of an outer planet affecting the orbit of an inner planet, instantly forming a planet out of nebular material), outdated graphics, and questionable toupées– same as you’d expect to find in any decent Trek movie– but taking into account it was made 30 years ago, is there even one imperfect moment in that movie? I’m hard pressed to think of one.
I want that eulogy read at my funeral, regardless of the circumstances of my (presumed) death.