Here’s to the end of my worst summer ever, even though it really wasn’t that bad. I’ve spent large chunks of the last few days getting ready for the new school year, and almost forgot to prepare a post for this week. Therefore I shall once again lean on my favorite crutch, the questionnaire. Here goes:

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED? Either. Doesn’t matter.

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM THE HOTEL? When I realize I’ve forgotten to pack shampoo.

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT? How would I know? I’m asleep when it happens.

4. HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN A STREET SIGN? No.

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES? Yes, but you sound like you’re asking if it’s a hobby of mine. It isn’t.

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM? No.

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES? I’ve been attacked by bees before, so I’ll fight the bear for variety’s sake.

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES? No.

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES? No.

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? Right now it’s the sound of the siding being replaced on my building.

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK? When I’m bored, I suppose I do.

12. FIRST THING YOU WASH IN THE SHOWER? Eyeballs.

13. DO YOU PLAN OUTFITS? How far ahead of time are we talking? If we’re talking seconds, yes. Minutes, no.

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERE’S NO MUSIC PLAYING? In my head.

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS? No.

16. WHAT’S THE CLOSEST THING TO YOU THAT’S RED? The writing on a box of electronics.

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED? I don’t know. I think it’s a full.

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK? What is a song of the week?

19. IS IT OKAY FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK? I suppose so. I had to play an entire soccer season wearing pink. It wasn’t that demeaning.

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS? On occasion.

21. WHAT’S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE? Right now, it’s The Other Guys. Started off promising, until it turned into Generic Will Ferrell Movie. The last thirty minutes, I don’t think I heard a single person in the theater laugh. I heard a lot of frustrated sighs as people realized they’d overpaid.

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME? Nice try.

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER? All kinds of things. Water. Tea. Wine. Rum and coke. It depends.

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN? Sweet and sour–oops, excuse me, I meant Polynesian sauce. When did Chick-fil-A go and get all high-falutin’?

25. HAVE YOU EVER GIVEN MONEY TO A BUM? Yes.

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AND STILL LOVE? Good ones?

27. HOW LONG WAS YOUR LONGEST DRIVE IN A CAR? I drove to Las Cruces, New Mexico in 2003. Great trip.

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT? I was a Cub Scout. I was going to be a Boy Scout but soccer prevailed.

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE? They’d have to throw ungodly amounts of money at me.

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE SOMEONE A LETTER ON PAPER? Two months ago.

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR? I suppose I could if I read the instructions.

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET? Just one. I’ve been pulled over four times: one ticket, one warning, once because the officer didn’t see the license plate, one warning for a bad tag light.

33. EVER RUN OUT OF GAS? Yes.

34. WOULD YOU DO CRYSTAL METH IF IT WERE LEGALIZED? Um, no.

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST? I rarely eat breakfast, but corn flakes, sliced banana, milk.

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME? Midnight.

37. ARE YOU LAZY? y

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN? I can only specifically remember three costumes: Civil War soldier, knight in shining armor, and nun.

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN? Hold on, let me look it up… I was born in a Year of the Dragon. Awesome.

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK? Fluently? One.

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS? No.

42. WHICH ARE BETTER, LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS? Legos.

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN? About some things, yes.

44. WHO IS BETTER, LENO OR LETTERMAN? Neither. They are both tragically unfunny.

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS? No, but I know who Stefano is.

46. AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? It depends on how stable the situation is. Top of the Sears Tower, not afraid. Airplane, wasn’t afraid of the heights. Take a ladder to the top of the house, not afraid. Climb a ladder on top of a machine to make sure everything’s working right with a couple of slack-jawed, probably stoned morons not watching out at all for my safety? Sweating bullets.

47. SING IN THE CAR? Yep.

48. DANCE IN THE SHOWER? Only when appropriate.

49. DANCE IN THE CAR? Never when driving.

50. EVER USED A GUN? Yes.

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER? Formally? No idea.

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY? The cheesy ones are.

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL? Only if you let it be.

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI? Yep.

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE? Cherry.

56. WHAT COMES TO MIND WHEN I SAY CABBAGE? Your head on a pike. Cabbage is disgusting.

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? No.

58. EVER EXPERIENCE DÉJÀ VU? Yes.

59. TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY? No, but I suppose it wouldn’t hurt.

60. WEAR SLIPPERS? No.

61. WEAR A BATH ROBE? Rarely.

62. WOULD YOU GO SKY DIVING? If I had to be on the plane in the first place and the plane were going to crash and I didn’t know how to fix the plane and there weren’t a helicopter or space shuttle piggybacking the plane that I could pilot away to safety, then yeah… I could see myself skydiving.

63. FIRST CONCERT? I choose not to remember.

64. WAL-MART, TARGET OR KMART? Target.

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS? Usually adidas, but I’m using Nike cleats right now. Usually they don’t fit right, but this pair does.

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS? Neitheros.

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS? Peanuts. Schulz was so much deeper than anyone gave him credit for.

68. DO YOU RENT MOVIES OFTEN? I use Netflix, so I think it would be more appropriate to say I rent them “continuously” rather than “often.”

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS? Does square-dancing in 8th grade gym count?

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING? Whatever makes her happy and me rich.

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? Can I.

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE? I think I finished second in a few. I won county-wide math competitions, though.

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY? Yes.

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS? No.

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER? No.

76. REGULARLY BURN INCENSE? No.

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Yes.

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT? The original Blues Brothers.

79. DO YOU OWN A GUN? Break into my house in the middle of the night so you can find out the hard way.

80. HOT TEA OR ICED TEA? Depends on the season. Right now, iced tea.

81. TEA OR COFFEE? Tea.

82. SUGAR OR SNICKERDOODLES? What the hell is a snickerdoodle?

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL? Well enough to save my own rear end.

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE? Yes.

85. ARE YOU PATIENT? When I need to be, and about the things I need to be.

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING? Tough call. I’d prefer a band, but would defer to my better half’s judgement.

87. EVER WON A CONTEST? Yes.

88. ARE YOU TOO FORGIVING? Forgiving people has not yet come back to haunt me.

89. WHICH ARE BETTER, BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES? Black olives.

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET? These questions are getting kind of personal. Back off.

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE? Um… the den? Doesn’t the presence of a fireplace in a room usually make that room the den? I know they can go in other rooms, but the den seems the default.

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? Yep.

93. LAST TIME YOU CRIED? When they changed George Washington’s portrait on the obverse of the quarter.

94. WHO WAS YOUR HS CRUSH? I had a few. All of their last names started with “R.” Weird.

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY? No.

96. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? Every inch of my skin is covered with rainbow and unicorn tattoos only visible under ultraviolet light.

97. ARE YOU SARCASTIC? You should’ve asked this question before the last one.

98. IS YOUR HAIR CURLY? When it gets long enough, but it’ll never get that long again.

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW? Of course.

100. IF YOU WERE PAID ONE MILLION DOLLARS TO SPEND THE NIGHT IN A SUPPOSED HAUNTED HOUSE, WOULD YOU DO IT? Yes.