At lunch one day last week, the topic of renting and buying real estate came up: location, square footage, cost, et cetera. I took the occasion to consider what I’d put into my dream house were money no object, and am taking the opportunity to publish a few quick thoughts (should anyone ever want to surprise me with a mansion for my birthday):

First, it would have a 50-ton industrial air conditioner with its own 24-hour maintenance and engineering staff.

Second, it would have tankless water heating (and full-time support staff) and a team of snipers to take out anyone insolent enough to correct me when I mistakenly and redundantly refer to the “hot water heater.”

Third, each bathroom would have a fan so powerful that there wouldn’t even be a hint of steam outside the shower—and even inside the shower, the steam would be gone just as soon as the last drop of water hit the gold-plated floor. If it were that powerful, I might have to have wall dispensers for the soap and shampoo, because bottles might get sucked up into the fan. Towels might get ruined, too, so in lieu of towels I’d install a massive air-dryer, just as powerful as the fan. Again, a team of maintenance workers and engineers would keep the whole shebang running at optimum efficiency.

So those are the big three criteria for my ideal home. I like brick, too.

One Response to “Dream house.”

1. Doctor Hmnahmna Says:
   August 22nd, 2007 at 5:34 PMSo, how much are you paying your staff engineer? And where do I send an application?