On msn.com they had a picture of the late Aaron Spelling next to this headline: “176-year-old ‘Darwin’s Tortoise’ dies in Australia.” It took me a second to realize they were from different articles.

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I flipped over to an old episode of Star Trek between games. A bad guy shoots someone with a phaser, but says that the victim will feel fine because the phaser was only set to stun. “Feel fine”? What, the guy was buzzing? Just wait 300 years. The teenagers of the distant future will spend their weekends hanging out at their college friends’ apartments, stunning themselves with phasers and eating pizza rolls.

That reminds me of a story my college roommate told me. He did not have the most reputable of vocations when he was in high school, and was telling me that one of his friends was such a stoner that he tried to smoke a bird. I’d never heard this phrase, “smoking a bird.” What did it mean? Was it from a movie? Was my unfamiliarity with the phrase a sign of naïveté?

Well, no, it meant that he found a dead bird on the ground, plucked off its feet and beak, wrapped it up in rolling papers, and tried to smoke it. That’s the sort of moron who would zap himself with a phaser.

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Riot police have been called in to break up a “clash” between dozens if not millions of English and German fans in Shhhhtuttgart. Now it’s a World Cup. Remember, if there aren’t riots, it’s not futbol.

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Is it me or does Riquelme resemble Maradona? Skill-wise, he’s not even close, but take Maradona, stretch him about seven inches taller, carve about 10 pounds of fat off his face and cut his hair, and you’ve got Riquelme.

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Maxi Rodriguez’s incredible extra-time goal was the best of the tournament so far… he controlled a long cross with his chest and hit a left-footed side volley from outside the box into the opposite upper 90. He didn’t even have to call “do-over.” Unbelievable.