Responses I wish I had given to application questions.

Q1: Why did you become a teacher?
I misread the salary schedule.

Q2: In what ways do you plan to influence the lives of your students?
This application is for a teaching position, right? I plan to teach them about an academic subject. Any other ways in which I influence them—paranoia, obsession, nightmares, hopelessness—are purely incidental.

Q3: In what ways can you help District ______ carry out its mission?
(Our mission in District ____, through the active engagement of the community, is to provide a quality education by vigorously fostering high expectations for individual growth within a nurturing environment, enabling each student to become a self-sufficient, productive, caring, and responsible member of a changing world society.)

Here they are:
• I will show up in the classroom on time.
• I will take roll.
• I will teach.
• I will punish those who make learning and/or teaching more difficult.
• I will test.
• I will grade the tests.
• I will fill out the grading forms at the end of each grading period.

Q4: What are three of your most effective teaching methods? Please explain.
1. Talking at the students.
2. Threatening students with a yardstick or splintered broom handle.
3. Glaring at the students.

Q5: Please explain how your past personal and professional experience make you a quality candidate for the position for which you are applying.
Read my resume and do the background check. I was a student once, a pretty good one. I was a teacher once, a pretty good one. I am not a felon. Look at your current faculty. Compare and contrast.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 8th, 2006 at 6:50 PM.

2 Responses to “Responses I wish I had given to Application Questions.”

  1. aabrock Says:
    March 8th, 2006 at 10:42 PM

I sure hope that you are a principal by the time my children (if any) have to go to school, as I would move to wherever that school is so they can come home every day a little bit smarter and talking about crazy Mr. V and his splintered broom handle. Awesome should-have-been answers.

And am I the only one who gets the heebie-jeebies when I hear some group want to “nuture”?


  • Doctor Hmnahmna Says:

March 9th, 2006 at 7:02 PM
And this has absolutely nothing to do with the subject, but these people have way too much time on their hands.

One comment

  1. It appears someone came across this post while running a search for “Please explain how your past personal and professional experience make you a quality candidate for the position for which you are applying.” Shame shame. I hope my answer helped.


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