Q1: Why did you become a teacher?
I misread the salary schedule.

Q2: In what ways do you plan to influence the lives of your students?
This application is for a teaching position, right? I plan to teach them about an academic subject. Any other ways in which I influence them—paranoia, obsession, nightmares, hopelessness—are purely incidental.

Q3: In what ways can you help District ______ carry out its mission?
(Our mission in District ____, through the active engagement of the community, is to provide a quality education by vigorously fostering high expectations for individual growth within a nurturing environment, enabling each student to become a self-sufficient, productive, caring, and responsible member of a changing world society.)
Here they are:
• I will show up in the classroom on time.
• I will take roll.
• I will teach.
• I will punish those who make learning and/or teaching more difficult.
• I will test.
• I will grade the tests.
• I will fill out the grading forms at the end of each grading period.

Q4: What are three of your most effective teaching methods? Please explain.
1. Talking at the students.
2. Threatening students with a yardstick or splintered broom handle.
3. Glaring at the students.

Q5: Please explain how your past personal and professional experience make you a quality candidate for the position for which you are applying.
Read my resume and do the background check. I was a student once, a pretty good one. I was a teacher once, a pretty good one. I am not a felon. Look at your current faculty. Compare and contrast.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 8th, 2006 at 6:50 PM.

2 Responses to “Responses I wish I had given to Application Questions.”

1. aabrock Says:
   March 8th, 2006 at 10:42 PM

I sure hope that you are a principal by the time my children (if any) have to go to school, as I would move to wherever that school is so they can come home every day a little bit smarter and talking about crazy Mr. V and his splintered broom handle. Awesome should-have-been answers.

And am I the only one who gets the heebie-jeebies when I hear some group want to “nuture”?

• Doctor Hmnahmna Says:

March 9th, 2006 at 7:02 PM
And this has absolutely nothing to do with the subject, but these people have way too much time on their hands.

http://www.hoth2014.com/