On the way to lunch today, I noticed that some disgruntled employee had scrawled “I QUIT” on the window of a local shop. The problem was that the “Q” was backwards. The line or tail slanted “southwest” instead of “southeast.” I imagine that the owner of the store was probably relieved to part ways with this particular Mensa candidate.

Anyhow, lunch was at an Italian restaurant right next to a high school. Thankfully I don’t work at that school, because if I did I might be thirty pounds heavier. The waiter seemed a little confused when I asked for meat sauce and meatballs with my lasagna, but we worked through it and no one got hurt. The food was good.

As I was finishing my meal, a group of four came in and sat a few tables away. One of them was some young punk who told the waiter, loudly and with terrible enunciation, that he wanted macaroni and cheese.

…Macaroni and cheese?

Upon hearing the order, I thought, “Did that guy really just order macaroni and cheese? It’s an Italian restaurant–everything on the f@#&$%g menu is macaroni and cheese.”

Well, not literally everything; there was pizza, there were sandwiches, there were antipasti. And to be precise, not every type of pasta is macaroni. Nonetheless, I thought that he needed to be more specific, unless …unless he meant “regular” American mac and cheese.

A minor semantic irritation had suddenly become a full-fledged crisis.

You see, it’s generally considered bad form to go into an ethnic restaurant and not order ethnic food. There are some exceptions. For instance, when I’m at a Mexican restaurant, I’ll order thehamburguesa americana. This is because almost any Mexican dish will kill me. If you want to be seen with me at a Mexican restaurant, then my eating a burger is the price you have to pay, in addition to my appearance fee.

But with forty-seven different combinations and permutations of pasta and cheese on the menu, who could possibly ask for elbows and rehydrated cheddar? It would be like going into an authentic French restaurant and ordering a croissandwich. It would be like sitting down in a family-style Mexican restaurant and asking for something off the Big Bell Value Menu. Wouldn’t an imbecile of that magnitude simply ask for SpaghettiOs? Besides, no self-respecting ristorante would stoop low enough to serve Kraft-style mac and cheese, right?

Sure enough, and to my horror, that’s exactly what the waiter set in front of the little punk, and that’s exactly what his mother started feeding him, occasionally wiping his little chin with his bib.

Outraged, I excused myself and went to the restroom. I frantically checked behind the water tank, but found no gun taped there. That was the final straw. One affront to Italian dining mighthave been forgivable; two were certainly not. I returned to the table, paid the bill, and left, never to return to that wretched place.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006 at 2:25 AM.

Responses to “Infamita.”

1. bologna of mal intent Says:
   January 3rd, 2006 at 11:58 PM

This truley is an appaling incedent on 2 levels. The lesser of the 2 being that the possibly mentaly retarded kid would go to a decent italian resteraunt and order “mac and cheese” for one any one who actually goes out to some place to eat, short of like the macaroni resteraunt grill or whatever they consider themselves, and orders that clearly is an idiot. Mac and cheese is a meal suitable only for eating at home from either one of the many boxed kind or the superior frozen kind. doing this in my book is the equivalent of asking to have some canned tuna dumped in a bowl for you to eat at a nice restaraunt.

However the most appaling factor is that the place had mac and cheese. With the exception of a childrens menu mac and cheese should not be served in adult portions above all not ina italian resteraunt. The only thing they should serve that in any way resembles mac and cheese is mabey some pasta with a heavy alfredo sauce. it is truly an nsult, with luck the next time you check behind that flush tank their will be a gun with enogh bullets not only for the lil retard but also the owner or whoever decided on the menu. so when the trials over with be sure to tell all your former students of your succes over this indignation. speaking of which now im hungry for pollo milanese, smite my lack of decent italian cooking

1. aabrock Says:
   January 4th, 2006 at 11:23 AM

Truly appalling…next thing you know someone will come in, order spaghetti and CUT IT INTO EASY, BITE-SIZED PIECES BEFORE EATING IT.

1. jmanpc Says:
   January 11th, 2006 at 9:17 PM

mac and cheese is only to be eaten when in the comfort of your own home, preferably while a poor college student.