It occurred to me when I got home today that I was in danger of violating Resolution No. 5, therefore I had to write something fast. Lazy? Yes. Such is life. Here goes:

1. NICKNAMES? They are permissible in the proper circumstances.

2. WHERE DO YOU LIVE? Jacksonville, Florida.

3. HOW MANY CANDLES WERE ON YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY CAKE? Just one, I think.

4. HEIGHT? Five foot nine.

5. SHOE SIZE? Depends on the brand, but usually US 10.5.

6. DATE OF BIRTH? Thanksgiving.

7. WHAT’S YOUR STAR SIGN? Sagittarius.

8. ELEMENT? Do you mean favorite element? I’d have to say molybdenum.

9. HOW MANY SIBLINGS? Three.

10. HOW MANY PETS? I have none.

11. OBSESSIONS? Oh, one or two.

12. FAVOURITE NUMBER(S)? 5, 7, 11, 19, 23.

13. FAVOURITE ANIMAL? Bill.

14. FAVOURITE SPORT (TO PLAY)? Soccer.

15. FAVOURITE SPORT (TO WATCH)? Soccer, but it really depends on the league or the cup. Aside from that, football.

16. FAVOURITE PROGRAMME(S)? That’s currently on TV? Lost.

17. FAVOURITE RADIO STATION? It was the 80’s station but they took it away.

18. FAVOURITE MOVIES? Khan, and then several other classics that’re way down the list.

19. FAVOURITE FOOTBALL TEAM? The Chicago Bears.

20. FAVOURITE FOOTBALLER? Oh, that football. Let me go back to the last one.

19. FAVOURITE FOOTBALL TEAM? Manchester United.

20. FAVOURITE FOOTBALLER? Robert Baggio and Salvatore Schillaci.

21. FAVOURITE BOARD GAME? Fischer Random Chess.

22. FAVOURITE VIDEO GAME(S)? Winning Eleven 9, but I haven’t played in almost a year.

23. FAVOURITE PC GAME? It was Kung Fu Chess, but now it’s Sporcle.com.

24. FAVOURITE FOOD? Right now, it’s Chicago-style deep dish with pepperoni and black olives.

25. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? Clothing.

26. WHAT’S THE WEATHER LIKE? Meh.

27. HOW DO YOU FEEL? Meh.

28. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW? The Lives of Others, which I strongly suggest everyone see.

29. BAD HABITS? Chewing fingernails. Not mine.

30. PHOBIAS? Dying in a horrific plane wreck.

31. WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY? When Cormac McCarthy’s villains get what they have coming to them.

32. WHAT REALLY IRRITATES YOU? I won’t list it here. My enemies read this.

33. WHAT MAKES YOU SAD? When I order a Coke and they give me Diet Coke.

34. WHAT MAKES YOU ANGRY? Being sad.

35. WHAT MAKES YOU SCARED? Uh, the plane thing. Didn’t you ask this already?

36. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? Donald Frank Jackson, III is currently atop the rankings, but he could slip depending on next week’s coaches’ poll.

37. EVER BROKEN A BONE? Yes.

38. WHAT’S THE BEST ADVICE YOU’VE EVER RECEIVED? “Don’t ever repeat this to anybody.”

39. WHAT SNEAKERS DO YOU OWN? Black and white New Balance, black and grey adidas, and two other pairs I need to throw out.

40. WHAT WAS THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT? I put ten grand in a three-month CD at my bank last year.

41. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOK YOU READ? The last book I finished reading was Cities of the Plain. I’m working on The Forgotten Man, Modern Times, and The Yiddish Policemen’s Union.

42. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO? A coworker.

43. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? A turkey and roast beef wrap from Jazzy Sweets.

44. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU DRANK? Iced tea from the same place.

45. WHAT’S THE BEST THING YOU’VE EVER BOUGHT? I’m going to go with the MacBook for now since it can see everything I’m typing.

46. WHAT’S THE WORST THING YOU’VE EVER BOUGHT? A beautiful hand-carved bowl, because whenever I think about whom I gave it to and how things turned out with her, I want to kick myself.

47. WHAT’S THE BEST THING YOU’VE EVER BEEN GIVEN? Tangible gift-wise? A silver 1988 Oldsmobile Delta 88. It was my father’s before me, and his father’s before him.

48. WHAT’S THE WORST THING YOU’VE EVER BEEN GIVEN? Again, tangible gift-wise? I won’t list it here. My friends read this.

49. WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE GOALS? To master the ability to fall asleep at will.

50. DESCRIBE YOUR BEDROOM? Isn’t that more of a command than a question? What’s with the question mark? Anyways, concrete floor, unfinished walls, a cardboard box in which I sleep, and an early 19th century oak armoire.

51. WHAT’S YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT? When I was nearly impaled on the axle of a spool of cotton that weighed over a ton. I guess you had to be there.

52. WHO DO YOU CONSIDER THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD? Dammit. I had to make a top five list a few weeks ago, I got it down to seven, and now I can’t think of a one of them. I’ll go with Carla Gugino.

53. WHO DO YOU CONSIDER THE MOST HANDSOME MAN IN THE WORLD? Do… do you mean aside from myself? I really have no idea.

54. FAVOURITE THING TO DO ON A HOT SUMMER’S DAY? Sit inside with the shades drawn and the A/C turned to 60.

55. FAVOURITE THING TO DO ON A SNOWY WINTER’S DAY? Sit inside with the shades drawn and the A/C turned to 60.

56. IF YOU WERE GRANTED THREE WISHES, WHAT WOULD THEY BE? 1. I’d wish for everything to be perfect forever. 2. I’d wish that Snapple would bring back Tru Root Beer. 3. I’m good; the first two covered everything.

57. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME TO SEE OR CHANGE SOMETHING, WHEN WOULD IT BE AND WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Since one can drive oneself crazy thinking about this, I’ll keep it simple: I’d go back to 11:45 this morning and instead of ordering the iced tea, I’d get a Coke.

58. WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU THINK ABOUT WHEN YOU WAKE UP? “Only 18 hours ‘til I get to sleep again!”

59. WHAT EXACTLY WERE YOU DOING ON SEPTEMBER 11TH AS THE TERRORIST ATTACKS WERE BEING CARRIED OUT? Walking into the library at school during my planning period.

60. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Certainly.

61. DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE AFTER-LIFE? Yup.

62. DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN THREE WORDS: Five, foot, nine.

62. WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 10 YEARS’ TIME? Leading a small group of survivors as we rise from the ashes of civilization.

63. IF YOU COULD CHOOSE YOUR OWN DEATH, HOW WOULD YOU GO? Something like this.

64. WOULD YOU EVER CONSIDER HAVING PLASTIC SURGERY? Only if I had to abandon my current cover name and story.

65. WHAT’S THE FUNNIEST JOKE YOU’VE EVER BEEN TOLD? The “Joe Cool” joke.

66. DO YOU HAVE ANY REGRETS IN LIFE? Yup.

67. WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO A KID? Don’t pack hangers when you move away. It’s easier to buy them when you get to wherever.

68. ANY HIDDEN TALENTS? Yes, it turns out I can—nice try. Pretty clever.

69. IS YOURS AN ‘INNIE’ OR AN ‘OUTIE’? Is my what an ‘innie’ or an ‘outie’?

70. DREAM JOB? Oddly, someone asked this just today. I believe I answered, “Astronaut-ninja-ship’s captain-samurai-president-professional athlete-spy-bookstore owner.”

71. IF YOUR WORST ENEMY WERE DROWNING, WOULD YOU SAVE HIM/HER? Why would I bother to drown him in the first place if I were just going to turn around and save him?

72. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BURNT?
 Where’d this question come from?

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST PICTURE YOU TOOK? 
A picture of my sister’s house in Albuquerque.

74. IS YOUR COMPUTER SLOW RIGHT NOW? Not a bit.

75. HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR BEST FRIEND NAKED? I haven’t stabbed myself in the eyeballs, have I? I haven’t taken a soldering iron to my visual cortex, have I? No.

76. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL? Are you kidding? I was born in a hospital.

77. WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE THAT NONE OF YOUR FRIENDS LIKE? I suppose so, though I don’t see why they’d dislike her.

78. IF YOU WOKE UP AS THE OPPOSITE GENDER, WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU WOULD DO? 
Panic.

79. HAVE YOU EVER CRAWLED THROUGH A WINDOW? Yup.

80. MORNING OR NIGHT PERSON? Night.

81. ANY COOL SCARS? The end of an axle on my back, but it’s mostly faded.

82. THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX YOU NOTICE FIRST? The outside.

83. WHAT TIME IS IT NOW? 5:59PM, Eastern Daylight Time. Time to leave.