Some folks find it incredibly difficult to fall asleep. Part of said difficulty lies in finding a decent sleeping position. Our research team has found that I average 19.1 tosses and 8.3 turns per night before I finally drift off into whatever guilt-ridden apocalyptic nightmare my subconscious has prepared for me. Tossing and turning are attempts to reposition the body in order to induce relaxation. However, doing so often reawakens the poor soul desperately trying to achieve sleep (at least in my case), and makes the whole process that much more difficult.
If we can find a way to even out the tossing and turning– to turn the body at a slow, even pace to avoid the energy spikes associated with a sudden toss or turn– then perhaps we can smooth out the somnolencification curve. Therefore, if such a device has not already been invented, then I propose the creation of the Sleep Rotisserie™.
Imagine a bed that rotates on its longitudinal axis. You would strap yourself in, activate the motor with a remote, and rotate very slowly like a chicken on a spit. You could halt the rotation at any point with the mere press of a button, assuming you’ve found a particular sleep angle you like. It could even include an option to allow you to rock back and forth over a particular set of degrees, similar to an auto-rocking cradle. And if it makes you dizzy, as Irony would demand, then all the dramamine you’d take to alleviate the nausea would help knock you out anyways.
Now that you’re done imagining such a device, go build it and give one to me. If you’ve got a more creative name, or one that’ll sell better, we can talk to the marketing guys.
If such a device has already been invented, please direct me to the store or website where I can buy one. Off to attempt sleep.