You need not register, but heed these words.

Upon meeting the parents of a new buddy back in fourth grade, they announced two rules for me as their son’s friend: “What you say must be necessary and it must be nice.” They didn’t know any better; they’d just met me. Nonetheless, in a similar spirit:

Before you submit a comment for moderation and publication, please follow these three simple rules:

1. Use an alias. I demand this not simply because I’m embarrassed to have you commenting on my website, but also because I hold out hope that someone will come up with a really clever, challenging alias, forcing me to use all my powers of deduction to determine your true identity.

2. Keep it clean. People eat off this website. Doctors use this website to perform invasive surgery. Junkies exchange their dirty needles for this website. Mommies and Daddies read this website to their children (if they’ve been good) and pray that their children will marry a website just like it one day.

3. Never, ever, ever refer to the Forbidden Subject. If you’re not sure whether a post regards the Forbidden Subject, then don’t write about it. Otherwise I will find you– and thanks to the Forbidden Subject, I have no conscience.

With that in mind, feel free to comment.