Occasionally there are items in the news that seem almost anachronistic, as though they shouldn’t be happening now. A particular event may seem too archaic to be happening anymore, or too futuristic to be happening yet.
Case in point: the riots outside Paris “should not” be happening. The prototype of the modern welfare-state should not be dealing with young, rioting Muslim men near its capital in the year 2005. However, it looks like the Battle of Tours all over again, with three exceptions: Paris is farther north, Charles Martel has been dead for 1200 years, and the French will surrender this time.
At the other end of the anachronistic spectrum, the US military recently revealed a “non-lethal” (wink-wink) laser rifle called a PHASR, which very cleverly stands for Personnel Halting and Stimulation Response. Phasers aren’t supposed to come around until the 23rd century. How many self-fulfilling technological prophecies has “Star Trek” set into motion?
My favorite example of a seemingly anachronistic story is this little treasure: last weekend, near the coast of Somalia, the cruise ship Seabourn Spirit was attacked by pirates! Last weekend! How awesome is that? We think of pirates as belonging to a time so long past that most people are surprised to learn that the U.S. fought the Barbary Pirates as “recently” as two hundred years ago. But sure enough, they’re still out there; eyepatches, peglegs and all.
What makes this particular pirate attack my favorite example is this nice little past-meets-future twist: the fearless crew of the Seabourn Spirit fought off these scurvy brigands with an LRADsonic cannon.
Imagine walking down the street with a friend, when all of a sudden your friend is slammed to the ground by a really, really bad Journey song–which, fortunately, you didn’t hear at all. That, essentially, is what an LRAD does. Long Range Acoustic Devices focus really, really loud noise into a directed beam and blast away at you.
They fought off pirates with something from “Knight Rider 2000″… which, now that I think of it, really shouldn’t be that surprising since it’s 2005. Anyways, I can’t wait until I get to carry one in the classroom. Misbehaving? Have some Don Johnson singing “Heartbeat,” punk. Don’t think of it as assault; it’s music appreciation. Assertive music appreciation.
…
In other less-than-fascinating news, I watched Batman Begins in French last night. “Ra’s al Ghul est morte! Pour qui travaillez-vous?!”
This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 8th, 2005 at 8:26 PM.
5 Responses to “Arrrr.”
- Doctor Hmnahmna Says:
November 9th, 2005 at 8:35 PM
Dude, Journey kicks arse. I take that back. Journey [is a good band]!
And [The Project] has been in development since 1993. Talk about anachronistic.
- imnotretarded Says:
November 16th, 2005 at 10:47 PM
I heard Paxon soccer isnt doing so hot this year. Forfeit win against Jackson and 2 losses one 3-2, and the other 9-1. They are missing the key element: The Italian Stallion. And your thoughts on the Godzilla Croc.
- Vincent Viscariello Says:
November 17th, 2005 at 2:01 AM
I don’t know how they’re doing because no-one’s told me yet. But if I remember correctly, last year wasn’t exactly Paxon’s finest hour. Let me check…
…yup, last year sucked. Partly my fault.
The “Godzilla Crocodile” matter is still pending before a federal grand jury. We need to wait for all the facts to come out before making any hasty judgements, and remember that this is America and the Croc is innocent until proven otherwise. I have no further comment.
- donnimikk Says:
November 19th, 2005 at 11:08 PM
If I may, this years team is a hell of a lot better than it was last year, thanks to its combination of skilled veterans and fresh littluns. Yes, they lost to Fletcher by a considerable amount. Yes, they lost to Episcopal. Yes, they lost to Bishop Kenny. However, they are improving exponentially and are contenders for District champions (new district). Who needs the Italian Stallion when they got the Arabic … Camel! (not a good analogy, but its all I could come up with!)
P.S. The 9-1 loss came after a significant drop in morale after an extremely poorly played game on the entire team’s part.
- Vincent Viscariello Says:
November 19th, 2005 at 11:22 PM
Very glad to hear the team is better, but didn’t we have the Arabic Camel last year? “Camel” is a near perfect nickname, considering your speed and cognitive capacity. And it’sincumbent upon those skilled veterans to make sure morale doesn’t drop and that you guys play like men.
God, I wish I could be there.
