October 2005

A letter to President Bush.

October 31, 2005

Dear President Bush, I would like to congratulate you for nominating Samuel A. Alito, Jr. to the Supreme Court, where he would join such prominent justices as Antonin M. “Nino” Scalia. Hopefully his confirmation will be swift. I would also like to take this occasion to suggest the following federal judges for any Supreme Court vacancies in the [...]

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Silent “c.”

October 29, 2005

Yesterday’s indictment of I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby exemplified one of my many great observations about politics, morality, and life in general: Half the trouble you get into is caused by lying about the other half. Look at Bill Clinton. If he had simply been honest about the whole Paula Jones-Monica Lewinsky fiasco, he would not have been [...]

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A rational analysis of the Victory of the White Sox.

October 27, 2005

As a Cubs fan, I am trying to decide which is the most logical interpretation of the White Sox’s victory tonight (and if anyone knows the correct possessive form of “Sox,” let me know). The most likely possibilities: 1. The Victory of the White Sox bodes well for the Cubs. The Red Sox won last [...]

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The new “James Bond” may be a wuss.

October 25, 2005

I was schlepping around on the internet this afternoon when a headline on the Drudge Report caught my eye: New Bond: I hate guns… Surely, Ian Fleming is rolling in his grave. Bad enough that this clown, Daniel Craig, has blond hair. Bond is supposed to be a heavy-drinking, chain-smoking, mildly cruel, womanizing badass like Sean Connery, not a whining, [...]

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Mr. V’s Generic Recommendation Form.

October 20, 2005

Due to the large number of student recommendations I’ve had to write since leaving Paxon, I have decided to post a generic recommendation form. Simply copy the text into a Word or Works file, change the date, replace [full] with your full name, [first] with your first name, and “her” with “his” or “him” when necessary. [...]

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Nightmare.

October 16, 2005

Normally, I am aware of the context of my dreams; I am aware of certain assumptions or premises that lead into the story. Not so in the one I had a few nights ago… The dream begins with me in a tuxedo at a wedding. I am confused, because I have no idea how I [...]

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A useful button.

October 13, 2005

I would like to be able to activate my car’s center brake light without hitting the brakes. Hopefully this would cause the tailgaters to back off. I want to be able to look in my rearview mirror, see that the impatient moron behind me is so close that… well, so close that I’m worried I’ll [...]

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Hockey.

October 9, 2005

I wish I could have grown up playing hockey, even though I would have been horrible at it. What a great sport! You’re wielding a stick with a curved blade, blasting away at a hard rubber puck which at the right speed can maim an inadequately protected person, slamming your opponent into a fiberglass wall [...]

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Tired.

October 5, 2005

I have finally returned to the Land of Lincoln and Portillo’s after my second 2200-mile trip to Florida for a death in the family in the last two months. I am exhausted. Either I need a psychiatrist to get me over the old fear of flying or an anesthesiologist to put me under for the duration of the flight. I received [...]

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Response to Comment on “On the passing…”

October 3, 2005

(I wrote enough of a response to a comment that I figured I’d make it a post:) Dear “Domthebomb,” First, allow me to congratulate you on your nickname. Now, to some of your points: “…how you could actually pass judgment on a man who isn’t even alive to defend himself…” Shall I kill myself so that you [...]

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